There was one officer who had absolutely no idea what was and wasn't appropriate wear in a prison! She always looked as though she was dressing for the Opera or something, hair expensively immaculate, classy jewellery - always a necklace, completely crazy! - little black dress ...

At least, it looked as though it was a little black dress underneath the military mackintoshes she wore - always, always wore. She was actually really strict, but we all loved her even so, cos of the style she exuded as she swished about, like an aerosol in a really smelly place.

Yes, Ma'm.