Club Foyer>Chillout Room>Depositions
Thank you so much for publishing my recent story. I wasn't at all sure it would be “within the school rules” but it did perhaps show that I'd been attracted to rubber from a very early age, usually resulting from some form of punishment introduced by my mum. Please publish this letter if its any good.
Mums and aunties do seem to be the main players in most of the accounts I've read and of course my own case is one in question, I do wonder if other children had similar feelings to me i.e. being socially ridiculed whilst forming an attachment to their rubber mackintoshes or school gaberdines.
I've never even thought for a moment that my mum might of actually liked rubber herself, my treatment was always seen as the result of my own bad behaviour, however it always involved me wearing rubber knickers next to my bare skin which wouldn't have been any use if I had been a real bed wetter.
This punishment also used to involve having a rubber mackintosh sheet on my bed, often on top of my normal bedding. I was sure that the sole purpose was to make me feel childish and very humiliated which it did, but of course my actual liking for rubber used to blur the fact that it was such a terrible punishment for most kids.
I don't know if my mum really knew how much I liked being in rubber or if the fact that I did like it made me go along with these punishments. Perhaps I would have opposed her actions more if I'd actually hated the feel and smell of rubber. As it was usually confined to bed times it didn't become a social issue, I'd have hated having to go to school in them because of the noise they made and rubbery smell, the humiliation would be made worse with them being incontinence knickers identical to those worn by babies at that time, that was indeed the purpose of such a punishment.
They were definitely intended to be worn by children who did have bladder problems, so of course even though I didn't, other people would have thought that I did and treated me accordingly, thus causing even more childish embarrassment. I lived with an on-going conflict of both hating and loving them.
When my horrid auntie Jane used to take me out she insisted on putting me in rubbers and used to call me names for no good reason, other than she hated me because I was the only boy in the family. She had a girl called Anne (my cousin) who was lovely and two years younger than me. She was kept in rubbers as well, my granddad virtually ignored her but for some reason only had time for me and eventually left me all his money.
I have to admit my behaviour could be pretty bad and I did get up to mischief on a regular basis, in that respect very much a boy. I had auburn curly hair and was often told that I was too pretty to be a boy while also looking quite young for my age, so I think this might of influenced mum's choice of punishment. Would she have put a well-built boy with a Desperate Dan chin into a little girl's rubber school mackintosh with his hood up ?
Well, Mum's other pet punishment was making me wear a girl's rubber or gaberdine mackintosh, always with a hood. In Mum's defence I should say that she didn't always see me dressed like that as punishment just the kind of clothes she liked me to wear knowing I'd be more complacent in them.
My first mac was a girl's navy blue school gaberdine with a hood which she bought for my first school when I was only 4 years old. It was a Convent and in those days they took a small number of boys between 4 and 8 years of age for some reason, girls stayed until they were 16 or 18 years old and that school was very strict.
In this case it was the school who made us boys wear girls gaberdine mackintoshes, because of our small numbers and young age it was deemed appropriate that we outwardly dressed the same as the girls and to be honest we didn't know any differently at that age.
Once I turned 8 years old my next school was a normal juniors, but before I went there mum bought me another girl's school gaberdine even though there was no uniform code. I began to realise that only a couple of boys in the whole school were wearing macs like mine and for the first time began to feel a bit embarrassed walking to school with my hood pulled up over my head and the tapes tied under my chin in a bow.
About a year later things got worse because one day I had pulled a rubber mackintosh from the arms of a girl in my class as she walked home one day and tried it on. It was regarded as very serious although just playing about really. As you know I was made to wear her rubber mackintosh for school every day for a week and fully buttoned up, tightly belted and hooded at all times including when out of school.
The result of all that was being bought an identical girl's rubber mackintosh by my mum in league with the girls mother. I was taken to the girls department of a local store that Friday evening and made to try on a pale blue Indiana rubber mackintosh which again they buttoned up to the neck, tightly fastened my belt and pulled the hood up over my head. The hood had a button and tab for fastening under my chin and an added feature of a rubber flap which I was made to wear over my mouth.
I had to wear it most of the time for the next 2 years until I left the junior school at 11 years old. I was still in short trousers at that time and with my girls rubber mackintosh fastened up and hooded I used to pass for a girl when out with my mum or auntie but it was very humiliating wearing it for school where everyone knew me.
Somehow I passed my 11+ exams and won a place at a very old and established grammar school which was also a boarding school for those who hadn't passed the exam, although we were all in the same classes.
My dad who didn't take a lot of interest in domestic matters was very pleased about me going to the grammar school, as was my granddad, this must have sickened Auntie Jane even more because I was now the only boy in the family but also officially the clever boy.
It was quite a big deal in those days to go to the Grammar School, the once in a lifetime chance for many children, it gave us a real future where as the Comprehensive School was more of a holding camp for the other kids who really had little or no chance of progressing and usually left at 15 years old. They didn't even get the chance to take O levels let alone stay on for further education but that's how it was then, one chance at 11 years old and your future was often sealed one way or the other. A few pupils did get transferred from the comprehensives to grammar school if they showed outstanding promise.
Because of my sudden elevation to only son and now officially clever boy a major change came over our lives. The first thing was for my parents to move house so that I could be near my new grammar school, this was an edict from my granddad. He was in fact my dad 's senior partner in the family firm which for a while they hoped I might one day join, but again my bad behaviour was to let me down. Luckily my granddad never lived to see it.
I was bought a new grammar school uniform and long trousers for the first time in my life, mum also bought me a boys school gaberdine mackintosh which was part of the uniform, the first boys' raincoat I'd ever had.
I got on very well the first year and was about 3rd in my class, I enjoyed being a boy and a bit more grown up, no more rubbers or girl's rubber mackintoshes from then on and I also found that I was pretty good at some sports.
The following year I started well but became interested in pop music and actually became interested in male fashions, it was the end of teddy boys and the start of the swinging 60's I thought. It was now 1962 and the start of a running battle between Mods and Rockers that went on for years.
I was an instant Beatles fan and loved the hair styles, Mum actually let me grow mine as long as the school would permit. As a day-boy and true grammar school student I was allowed to wear a navy blue blazer with the school crest on the pocket, the boarders wore grey suits (some still with short trousers). The boarders had to adhere to much stricter rules than us because once the school day had finished for the day-boys we could go home but for them it was every day, every night, and all weekends, I felt so sorry for them.
During that second year I started to go out sometimes to visit friends, usually just to each others homes to listen to music, then on Saturdays we used to go swimming and go to the coffee bar afterwards, it had a jukebox . By the
end of my second year we started going to the Pictures on a Friday night and some of my mates were now a couple of years older than me, I always looked the youngest even in my Beatles jacket and longish hair. It was now 1963 and I was just 13 years old.
I'd told mum at the end of my first year that the school gaberdine was too young looking and remarkably she'd actually bought me a more grown up raincoat which was a plain dark blue and about three quarter length but with a lovely multi stripped lining which was every colour of the rainbow. At my age that was the real deal and I was the bees-knees.
By the end of my second year I felt quite grown up and seemed to be able to come and go as I pleased, mum and dad were on the verge of splitting up and no one seemed too bothered about what I did. After so many years of being treated like a small child I'd finally decided that I did want to be a grown up and there seemed so much to look forward to in those days.
It was when I was 13 that everything seemed to go wrong, first my dad left home and moved to the other end of the country, then Mum started having “uncles” visit her at the weekends, men I'd never met until then. The final straw was the death of my granddad, he meant the world to me.
Of course with no father figures about and mum preoccupied with her visitors and going away some weekends I was well and truly the king of the castle for a while. However by the end of that school year I'd made a major blunder in getting very drunk during a school trip and embarrassed both myself and the school. Mum wasn't at all pleased and Headmaster wanted to expel me.
Other random events to add to my catalogue of self-destruction during that year were stealing Mum's car and because I couldn't actually drive, it ended up in a mangled heap in the wall of our house.
Because I was now in the company of boys of 15 and 16 years old I began drinking on a night out before going to the coffee bar. To afford this pleasure and pay for alcohol and cigarettes I resorted to stealing money from mum's purse as she always had 50-100 pounds in all denominations in it. First it was a 10 shilling note then several pounds every week for months.
I'd rather taken to going out for a nice meal in a local restaurant because providing I ordered a meal they allowed me to drink alcohol, I could show off in front of these older friends and stay as late as I liked, often missing the last bus to our village. My friends and I had become well known for bad behaviour.
I've documented all this in detail but the final straw for Mum was the night I was brought back by the police in a drunken heap having been found asleep in the local bus shelter. Having fallen into the hallway I was very sick and when they tried to get me upstairs knocked the police officer down the steps whilst ranting and raving and hurling abuse at my mum.
That was the night everything changed, through my own stupidity I didn't know when to stop, everything was going well for me but I had to push her over the line by behaving like the now spoilt brat that I'd become.
Why couldn't I be satisfied with being allowed out every weekend and having my own way? Mum even gave me money to buy records and what were in those days trendy clothes. I visited friends and they came round to my house, she even knew I smoked but said nothing.
What an absolute fool I was. After being brought up so strictly I'd taken advantage of this new found freedom and pushed it to its utter destruction.
During this last year it had also emerged at the reading of Granddad's will that my dad inherited the family firm but I got all his money, they must have known how much it was but didn't tell me at the time. Dad just said that I'd be all-right and left it at that. In actual fact it turned out to be ninety five thousand pounds which was worth about fifteen times that amount in 1963 when compared to today. Of course I couldn't touch a penny until I was 21.
This was of course another major upset for Auntie Jane because poor Anne only received a small legacy and some money for educational purposes which auntie Jane would no doubt take care of. Even after all my bad behaviour I came out on top again while Anne who had never done anything wrong in her entire life was almost forgotten.
I now believe that Auntie Jane had decided to talk mum into some radical reforms concerning my behaviour and dress code, it was a chance she might never get again. Granddad was gone, Dad had left home, I was in serious trouble with the police, the school and Mum. The scene was now set for what became the worst 2 years of my entire life.
That drunken night had been on Friday the beginning of the summer holidays which should have been such a great time for me, but even I realised there would be reprisals for my dreadful behaviour.
Nothing much was said the next day and I nursed a sore head and my pride out in the garden, but on Sunday Auntie Jane came to visit and to my horror told me she was staying right through the holidays.
Later that day I was told to go through to the lounge where mum sat waiting for me, she with the help of auntie Jane had written a letter on my behalf apologising for all the things I'd done wrong over the past months and promising to be on best behaviour.
It stated that I'd do exactly as I was told from now on and the big threatening stick they used to make me agree was the promise of being sent to a particularly harsh, very strict boys boarding school if I misbehaved again.
I knew the school they meant and it sent shudders down my spine having heard all about it from other boys, you also had to have the most ridiculous short back and sides pudding bowl haircuts, that was the one thing I'd probably dreaded more than anything at the time.
With little choice I signed this letter hoping Auntie Jane wouldn't really stay for that long but as my lovely cousin Anne was also with her the future looked bleak.
It was a warm summer afternoon but poor Anne was dressed in her school uniform which included short white socks, flat shoes and her rubberised navy blue regulation school gaberdine mackintosh which was buttoned to the neck and very tightly belted, the hood was up over her pretty head and wisps of blonde hair still showed on her forehead.
Auntie Jane took great delight in telling me that on Monday morning I was going to be taken to the school outfitters for a new school uniform and that because of my terrible behaviour no one could trust me any more.
I was told that mum had now got to prove to both the police and the school that she was in control of my behaviour and that she had to give an undertaking that there would never be another nasty incident involving me again. For her to be able to do this I must have my wings clipped and be grounded for the entire holidays, only going out if accompanied by either Mum or Auntie Jane.
It was for that reason they said that from Monday I would only be allowed short grey school trousers and ankle socks. All my trendy clothes would be locked in Mums wardrobe until she felt I deserved them back in the future.
This was a terrible fate for me, I'd lose all my mates and feel stupid dressed in short trousers, at least it was summer so perhaps a nice sun tan would be some small consolation, but the worst news was still to come.
Mum went on to tell me that she was also going to take me to the girls' school outfitters and buy me a brand new girls' rubberised, regulation, double breasted, school gaberdine mackintosh exactly the same as Anne's which I would wear whenever I was outdoors no matter what the weather from now on.
She then added the fact that it would also have a hood which she would sew on as soon as we returned from the shops and I must wear my hood up over my head when I went out unless she thought I 'd been behaving well and deserved to be allowed to go out with it down.
I was reminded that I'd just signed a contract promising to behave and that I knew what the consequences would be if I disobeyed. I was reduced to tears and begged mum not to be so cruel but was told that I'd brought this on myself and after 3 years of being allowed to do pretty much as I liked I'd totally failed to show that I could be trusted on my own. I was a scheming little thief, a stupid drunken yob and good for nothing foul-mouthed child with no respect for his elders and betters. I'd nearly caused mum to have a nervous breakdown and been a total disappointment to her into the bargain.
I was told to think it all over for the rest of the day because tomorrow I would be returned to the clothes that I was used to before all this trouble started, the clothes mum had always wanted me to wear because my conduct had been so much better then. I just sat on the settee with my knees tucked under my chin rocking back and forth, everything was a blank, in a state of total disbelief that this all this was going to happen to me again after having such a good time for the last couple of years being a grown up.
Later that evening I was planning to watch the television but was told to go upstairs and get ready for bed, it was only about 7.30 and I stayed up till gone midnight most weekends. I asked why I should go to bed, Auntie Jane said that this would be my new bedtime during the holidays unless I could prove
that I deserved to stay up later. After much muttering and thinking about giving her a good smack in those nasty chops of hers the threat of boarding school kicked in so reluctantly I went upstairs. I was horrified to find my bed stripped and my old red rubber mackintosh sheet spread out over it. I was informed that I would stay in it until I grew up enough to be trusted.
By now Mum had joined us and again I pleaded for her to stop doing all this, if it was a warning then it had worked. I promised on my life to be a good boy from now on, I told her that there was no need to really treat me like this was there ?
Mum told me to get undressed because there was a need to treat me like a child again because at only just 14 that's what I was and I'd had far too much of my own way for far too long which hadn't done me any good. Mum told me to get used to being her little boy again and then produced a pair of my old red mackintosh material rubbers with the thick waist and leg bands.
She had bought them for me when I was 9 , as well as being punished by having to wear Janet's rubber mackintosh for school I'd worn them for about 12 months so hadn't actually been in them for nearly 4 years and I hoped they wouldn't fit me any more. I told myself that she wouldn't really make me wear childish baby rubbers for bed and sleep on a mackintosh sheet at my age.
I had now reluctantly taken all my clothes off and felt both self conscious and utterly humiliated standing there in front of Mum and Auntie Jane. I was then told to sit on my mackintosh sheet while mum pulled my rubbers up my calves and over my knees, they were cold and felt strange now after so long but sounded the same, they rustled while mum pulled them up.
Now I could smell the rubber and didn't know what to think. Half of me wanted to stand up and rip them off, my other half felt so aroused that in a strange inexplicable way I was actually wanting Mum to finally pull them up round my waist. They were so very tight that red marks had already appeared round my tummy and thighs, it was going to be the most humiliating, childish, uncomfortable yet magical night I'd spent for over 4 years. I'd dreamt about something like this happening again but never ever imagined it really would.
I was much older now but despite being too small they had the same gorgeous feel to them, Mum told me to stand up straight and show her what I looked like back in my baby's bed-wetter rubbers. I think she could tell how I felt just by looking at me, she pulled the waist band and admitted they were tight but promised I was to have brand new ones in the morning. In one day I was back to where I was 4 years ago but tomorrow must wait a little longer.....
To be continued.
Albi Odd
Well Lorraine that letter came from nowhere but at least its a chronological account from the age of 4 up to 14 so far.
Thank you very much for putting up my last effort and your useful comments, I've said before it's a psychological enigma, a riddle that can never be truly resolved. 'Why' is a very big word for all of us, all I know is I loved rubbers and mackintoshes most probably as a result of my childhood,
I don't know if you're interested but I've been an artist on and off over the years and designed carpets and curtains, also materials for silk screen printing.
I also learned to be a sign writer and did shop fronts and occasional murals for pub gardens and the like.
Other work has been designing packaging for hair and beauty treatments and an exhibition of 4 years work in London which was all stolen the night before I should have collected it, that really was a blow but someone must have liked it I suppose. Anyway thanks for your valuable time and good luck with all your projects........all the best Albi
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